Day Fourteen: Why Don’t they just Leave?
When it is a viable option, it is best for victims to do what they can to escape their abusers. However, this is not the case in all situations. Abusers repeatedly go to extremes to prevent the victim from leaving. In fact, leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence. One study found in interviews with men who have killed their wives that either threats of separation by their partner or actual separations were most often the precipitating events that lead to the murder.
A victim’s reasons for staying with their abusers are extremely complex and, in most cases, are based on the reality that their abuser will follow through with the threats they have used to keep them trapped:
- the abuser will hurt or kill them
- they will hurt or kill the kids
- they will win custody of the children
- they will harm or kill pets or others
- they will ruin their victim financially — the list goes on.
The victim in violent relationships knows their abuser best and fully knows the extent to which they will go to make sure they have and can maintain control over the victim. The victim may not be able to safely escape or protect those they love. Another study of intimate partner homicides found 20% of homicide victims were not the domestic violence victims themselves, but family members, friends, neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement responders, or bystanders.
Additional barriers to escaping a violence relationship include but are not limited to:
- Victim’s lack of knowledge of or access to safety and support
- Lack of means to support themselves and/or their children financially
- Fear the abuser’s actions will be more violent or lethal if the victim attempts to leave
- Lack of having somewhere to go and fear that homelessness may be the only option
- Knowledge of the difficulties of single parenting and reduced financial circumstances
Source: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence NCADV
Every year during the 16 days from November 25 through December 10, Zonta Clubs around the world participate in the Zonta Says No to Violence Against Women campaign.
The graphics shared during this year’s campaign contain information about domestic violence, depicting some of the signs, as well as the myths surrounding it, and the far-reaching impacts it has on those who suffer from it and/or witness domestic violence.
Clinton County Daily News.com will run this campaign through December 10.